Misc.
Tupeu..
by xts on Sep.20, 2010, under Misc.
Cat tupeu puteti sa aveti PD-L’ilor ..
http://epistolepentruzeus.wordpress.com/2010/09/20/vrei-motiv-sa-iesi-la-miting-ia-de-aici/
Monogamie sau nu?
by xts on May.11, 2010, under Misc.
Oare poate cineva sa declare, cu mana pe inima, ca monogamia este buna/sanatoasa? Eu nu as putea sa cred. Cred ca oricum ai pune problema.. daca nu incerci, e clar ca nu o sa iti dai seama ce pierzi!
Daca e nasol, e bine ca poti sa te intorci la ceva mai bun, iar daca e prea bine, inseamna ca iti irosisei timpul…
Ar suna aiurea sa militez aici pentru a-ti insela partenerul/partenera dar cred ca daca arunci din cand in cand un ochi si in stanga/dreapta poate sa dea rezultate la care sa nu te astepti.
In plus, chiar suntem facuti sa avem doar un singur partener??
Eu, unu’ nu ma simt deloc pinguin!
Underwear Goes Inside The Pants..
by xts on Apr.17, 2010, under Misc.
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just:”bla bla..”?
“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”
Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day: The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?” “Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents!
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
“You’ll see. I’m going to take of the world of computers! I’ll show them.”
We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.
Reclama Remora..
by xts on Apr.13, 2010, under Misc., Opinia Consumatorului
Am avut o idee geniala: sa iti faci reclama folosindu-te de notorietatea altora. (ideea nu e nici geniala si nici unica; vezi atatea mii de reclame in care apar celebritati) Insa ceva de genul “totcedoresti.ro” scris cu literele de la Coca Cola ar putea avea efect.
La fel cum ar putea avea efect un ad asa cum mi-am imaginat eu mai sus. Notorietatea Facebook e din ce in ce mai evidenta peste tot asa ca probabil 95% din cei targetati ar zambi la vederea imaginii. Sau poate ca in loc de “Share” ar merge mai bine un “Add as Friend”. Cine stie? Pe mine m-a amuzat ideea, oricat de idioata sau nu ar putea parea. Pe cat punem pariu ca o sa o vedem in curand?!
P.S. A remora (pronounced /ˈrɛmərə/), sometimes called a suckerfish or sharksucker, is an elongated, brown fish in the order Perciformes and family Echeneidae.
Duminica la politie..
by xts on Dec.07, 2009, under Misc.
Ca de obicei adica. Asta e norocul/ghinionul meu: cand am foarte multe pe cap care ma trag in jos mai apare si un accident usor pentru care trebuie sa stai pe la politie.
Duminica asta am patit la fel, fiind lovit din spate intr-un accident in lant la un semafor in Bucuresti. Dupa cum spuneam, fiecare cu norocul lui. Dar asta este! Naspa e politia si regulile lor de rahat si, mai ales, faptul ca daca nu stai 3-4 ore dupa o foaie format A6 inseamna ca nu ai stat! Am zis!
Si pana la urma cine ne conduce?!
